3 goals for growth:
1. More communication with Ex-Wife.
Step 1- Break our cycle of inconsistent communication. Step 2- Be more assertive in her presence. Stop selling myself short. Step 3- Remember that the kids are our priority and that we BOTH will do whatever it takes to be a good parent.
2. Continue Consistent Positive Reinforcement in interactions with Sol
Step 1- Always check in after a tantrum, argument or fight and remind him that I love him. Step 2- Point out the good things he does on a daily basis and share with him the pride I feel when I see him doing those things. Step 3- Encourage him with courtesies. Modeling behavior is "contagious," as our book says...
3. Continue with Encouragement and Positive Role Modeling for Nara
Step 1- Point out how she makes me proud and surprises me with her knowledge on a daily basis (on days she's with me). Step 2- Point out positive things in public that portray successful women. Step 3- Continue including people in our every day lives who encourage her, inspire her, and people who she can look up to as she grows and learns.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
3 Good/ 3 Bad
3 Positive Interactions:
1. Monday, November 15th- When it was time to wake up, he was hesitant and slow. It took some encouragement to convince him to get up, dress himself and get ready for school before I left for the day.
2. Monday, November 15th- When I picked up Elan from his mothers (Transition day) and dropped him off at his pre-school, he spent a lot of time whining. It was hard because I missed him (during week when he was at his mom's). I was able to calm him down, and redirect his attitude to happiness through active listening and acknowledging his discomforts/worries for the morning... Ultimately, it was just early and he was tired during transition day.
3.Tuesday, November 16th- Nara was very helpful when getting ready for school this morning. She went out of her way to keep Elan on task while eating breakfast so I could get myself and Sol ready before he caught his early morning bus.
3 Not-So-Positive Interactions
1. Tuesday, November 16th- Jessica (my partner) and I did very little communicating. She seemed distant and upset and I generally avoided her for the evening instead of making time to understand what was wrong.
2. Thursday, November 18th- Sol was upset about his seating arrangement at breakfast. I was impatient and basically left him for Jessica to deal with. Not so productive, or positive.
3. Monday, November 22nd- When I dropped the kids off (transition day) with their mom, I avoided eye contact, and hurried away (on bad mornings, I cannot communicate with her at all.) My fear of confrontation with her in front of the children is astronomically higher than I wish it were.
1. Monday, November 15th- When it was time to wake up, he was hesitant and slow. It took some encouragement to convince him to get up, dress himself and get ready for school before I left for the day.
2. Monday, November 15th- When I picked up Elan from his mothers (Transition day) and dropped him off at his pre-school, he spent a lot of time whining. It was hard because I missed him (during week when he was at his mom's). I was able to calm him down, and redirect his attitude to happiness through active listening and acknowledging his discomforts/worries for the morning... Ultimately, it was just early and he was tired during transition day.
3.Tuesday, November 16th- Nara was very helpful when getting ready for school this morning. She went out of her way to keep Elan on task while eating breakfast so I could get myself and Sol ready before he caught his early morning bus.
3 Not-So-Positive Interactions
1. Tuesday, November 16th- Jessica (my partner) and I did very little communicating. She seemed distant and upset and I generally avoided her for the evening instead of making time to understand what was wrong.
2. Thursday, November 18th- Sol was upset about his seating arrangement at breakfast. I was impatient and basically left him for Jessica to deal with. Not so productive, or positive.
3. Monday, November 22nd- When I dropped the kids off (transition day) with their mom, I avoided eye contact, and hurried away (on bad mornings, I cannot communicate with her at all.) My fear of confrontation with her in front of the children is astronomically higher than I wish it were.
Analysis in relation to Chapter 10
o Analyze these interactions in relation to the learning in Chapter 10
Positive Reinforcement through praise has always been more immediately effective when working with Sol than Negative Reinforcement/punishment.
When overcoming difficulties in our communications and relationship, active listening has been integral.
Positive reinforcement has also been my focus when communicating and acting as an adult role model for all of my children.
Positive Reinforcement through praise has always been more immediately effective when working with Sol than Negative Reinforcement/punishment.
When overcoming difficulties in our communications and relationship, active listening has been integral.
Positive reinforcement has also been my focus when communicating and acting as an adult role model for all of my children.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I got up earlier than the kids and got things in order for my day at school.
I woke up Nara, Elan and eventually Sol.
Sol took his time getting up, but was able to get dressed, eat and be ready for the bus when it arrived.
I drove Elan to preschool before dropping Nara of at her bus stop Downtown (YMCA Bus Stop 9th and Hennepin) at 9:20am.
I spent the morning studying in the MCTC Library before my American Radicalism class at 11:15.
After class I had lunch and then went back to the library.
I spent the next couple of hours working on my American Radicalism mid-term essay that is due in two days.
I also spent some time reading chapters in my textbooks for BUSN HRTB and Posi-Psyche.
Next I went to the YMCA to spend 25 minutes jogging and then working on my swimming mechanics. I swam 7 laps practicing my kicks and focusing on my posture and stroke.
It was a good workout.
I picked up Elan from preschool. He was unusually whiney and emotional today. He spent pretty much the entirety of the car ride from preschool, to Nara's bus stop and then home crying. It was a long hour.
Jessica had vegan sloppy joe's and french fries ready for dinner and we all ate together as a family.
After dinner, the entire family went to the near by park. Sol and I played catch with the football for about a half an hour. Nara made friends with a little girl at the park and Jessica pushed Elan in the swing. Before leaving, Nara, Sol and I made obstacle courses and timed our efforts.
When we got home, Nara did homework before brushing her teeth, getting her pj's on and going to bed around 9:30.
I got Elan ready for bed and read two story books to him before he fell asleep at 9pm.
Sol got himself ready for bed and I tucked him in around the same time as Elan.
I woke up Nara, Elan and eventually Sol.
Sol took his time getting up, but was able to get dressed, eat and be ready for the bus when it arrived.
I drove Elan to preschool before dropping Nara of at her bus stop Downtown (YMCA Bus Stop 9th and Hennepin) at 9:20am.
I spent the morning studying in the MCTC Library before my American Radicalism class at 11:15.
After class I had lunch and then went back to the library.
I spent the next couple of hours working on my American Radicalism mid-term essay that is due in two days.
I also spent some time reading chapters in my textbooks for BUSN HRTB and Posi-Psyche.
Next I went to the YMCA to spend 25 minutes jogging and then working on my swimming mechanics. I swam 7 laps practicing my kicks and focusing on my posture and stroke.
It was a good workout.
I picked up Elan from preschool. He was unusually whiney and emotional today. He spent pretty much the entirety of the car ride from preschool, to Nara's bus stop and then home crying. It was a long hour.
Jessica had vegan sloppy joe's and french fries ready for dinner and we all ate together as a family.
After dinner, the entire family went to the near by park. Sol and I played catch with the football for about a half an hour. Nara made friends with a little girl at the park and Jessica pushed Elan in the swing. Before leaving, Nara, Sol and I made obstacle courses and timed our efforts.
When we got home, Nara did homework before brushing her teeth, getting her pj's on and going to bed around 9:30.
I got Elan ready for bed and read two story books to him before he fell asleep at 9pm.
Sol got himself ready for bed and I tucked him in around the same time as Elan.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I woke up and helped get Sol out of the bed and ready for school. Before I left the house, I made up a schedule of things for Sol to do when he gets home.
I picked up Elan from his mom's house and got him to preschool (Children's Village Montessori in SE Minneapolis) before my 10am Positive Psychology class.
After class I studied in the MCTC library. I still don't have my textbook for Human Relations or my Positive Psychology classes. I have luckily been able to spend a lot of time using the library resources effectively.
My Award Letter status was still unavailable when I checked on the MCTC website. I'm expecting some word from Financial Aid this week.
After the library, I went to the YMCA and did a work out. I lifted weights, worked on stretching and did some core work.
After my workout I picked up Nara at her bus stop and Elan from preschool. We brought home some Little Ceasar's Pizza for dinner.
Sol and Nara spent almost an hour doing homework.
I gave Elan his bath. Nara took a shower. Sol had a difficult time because Jessica and I wanted him to take a shower. It took about an hour for him to finally agree to take a shower. He showed escalated signs of frustration and anger, but for the most part he did really well. I think I had a slight affect in his behavior because I checked in with him on a couple of occasions when he was pouting and showing signs of hostility.
I shared with him some things I do to help me overcome feelings of disappointment and what helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It didn't have an immediate impact, but I think it partially accounts for his ability to calm down and finally take his shower later on.
Elan woke up multiple times and wanted attention. Each time I carried him back to his bed and made sure he slept in his own bed (Not something he's used to when he's at his mom's house. He co-sleeps with his sister or mom when he's at her house.)
I picked up Elan from his mom's house and got him to preschool (Children's Village Montessori in SE Minneapolis) before my 10am Positive Psychology class.
After class I studied in the MCTC library. I still don't have my textbook for Human Relations or my Positive Psychology classes. I have luckily been able to spend a lot of time using the library resources effectively.
My Award Letter status was still unavailable when I checked on the MCTC website. I'm expecting some word from Financial Aid this week.
After the library, I went to the YMCA and did a work out. I lifted weights, worked on stretching and did some core work.
After my workout I picked up Nara at her bus stop and Elan from preschool. We brought home some Little Ceasar's Pizza for dinner.
Sol and Nara spent almost an hour doing homework.
I gave Elan his bath. Nara took a shower. Sol had a difficult time because Jessica and I wanted him to take a shower. It took about an hour for him to finally agree to take a shower. He showed escalated signs of frustration and anger, but for the most part he did really well. I think I had a slight affect in his behavior because I checked in with him on a couple of occasions when he was pouting and showing signs of hostility.
I shared with him some things I do to help me overcome feelings of disappointment and what helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It didn't have an immediate impact, but I think it partially accounts for his ability to calm down and finally take his shower later on.
Elan woke up multiple times and wanted attention. Each time I carried him back to his bed and made sure he slept in his own bed (Not something he's used to when he's at his mom's house. He co-sleeps with his sister or mom when he's at her house.)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sol was very difficult today getting out of bed. When he finally did get out of bed, he was very reluctant to take his morning medications. At one point I told him that his "attitude has to change, and it has to change starting right now!"
He replied with, "You have anger issues!"
From there we were able to communicate more calmly. I was able to explain to him why I was angry and what he does that makes me happy. He was open to communicating with me about what he was angry about as well. His bus came sooner, rather than later, and he wasn't totally ready for school, but was able to get on the bus and eat most of his cereal for breakfast.
When thinking back on his statement about my "anger issues," its hard not to laugh a little bit. It's hard not to take seriously such a statement from someone who acts out in anger on a daily basis and expects everything to be good and fine at the drop of a hat. But that doesn't mean there isn't any truth to it. I'm glad that him and I are able to point out to each other honestly and truthfully what we see/feel is fair or not fair when communicating. I'm so thankful that even when we do criticize each other, we both have the ability to keep trying and working to communicate better.
I went to school and worked on some American Radicalism homework. In the library, I did the HRTB Chapter 3/4Quiz and submitted my Team Mid-Term Review.
After American Radicalism, I ate lunch and had an appointment with my therapist. (I've been in therapy for over two years to help me through my separation, divorce, custody battle and unemployment. It started off as a weekly thing, but for the past eight or nine months, I've been seeing my therapist less frequently- about every six-eight weeks). My session was very helpful (as usual) and I set up a follow up appointment for December 9th. It will probably be my final session.
I spent the next couple of hours commuting home and picking up odds and ends needed around the house (Walgreens, Target, two different hardware stores.)
When I got home, Sol had shown signs of having a good day with his PCA. They (for the first time since Jessica and I have tried implementing this) actually wrote down his scheduled activities for the day and completed them (It's something that the directory from the company that provides Sol's PCAs suggested we start doing with Sol on a daily basis to encourage and practice doing activities that are both fun and healthy on a consistent/daily basis.)
Sol and I spent a part of the evening drafting our fantasy basketball teams together. He has a team and I have a team. I haven't followed NBA basketball very closely for over five years, so it'll be interesting to see how either of us do. It is Sol's first Fantasy League. He's been expressing interest in Fantasy Football, but it's too late to sign up for any leagues. I thought it would be cool for us to join a basketball league together because he likes basketball a lot (His uncles play a lot of basketball still). My goal while playing with Sol is to teach him the "in's and out's" of fantasy sports, but also to focus on playing for fun. Each week he'll either win a game or lose a game, and it will be a good opportunity for him to learn how to win and lose with class..... It's an extension of the "good sportsmanship" I tried focusing on when he played team baseball over the past summer.
He replied with, "You have anger issues!"
From there we were able to communicate more calmly. I was able to explain to him why I was angry and what he does that makes me happy. He was open to communicating with me about what he was angry about as well. His bus came sooner, rather than later, and he wasn't totally ready for school, but was able to get on the bus and eat most of his cereal for breakfast.
When thinking back on his statement about my "anger issues," its hard not to laugh a little bit. It's hard not to take seriously such a statement from someone who acts out in anger on a daily basis and expects everything to be good and fine at the drop of a hat. But that doesn't mean there isn't any truth to it. I'm glad that him and I are able to point out to each other honestly and truthfully what we see/feel is fair or not fair when communicating. I'm so thankful that even when we do criticize each other, we both have the ability to keep trying and working to communicate better.
I went to school and worked on some American Radicalism homework. In the library, I did the HRTB Chapter 3/4Quiz and submitted my Team Mid-Term Review.
After American Radicalism, I ate lunch and had an appointment with my therapist. (I've been in therapy for over two years to help me through my separation, divorce, custody battle and unemployment. It started off as a weekly thing, but for the past eight or nine months, I've been seeing my therapist less frequently- about every six-eight weeks). My session was very helpful (as usual) and I set up a follow up appointment for December 9th. It will probably be my final session.
I spent the next couple of hours commuting home and picking up odds and ends needed around the house (Walgreens, Target, two different hardware stores.)
When I got home, Sol had shown signs of having a good day with his PCA. They (for the first time since Jessica and I have tried implementing this) actually wrote down his scheduled activities for the day and completed them (It's something that the directory from the company that provides Sol's PCAs suggested we start doing with Sol on a daily basis to encourage and practice doing activities that are both fun and healthy on a consistent/daily basis.)
Sol and I spent a part of the evening drafting our fantasy basketball teams together. He has a team and I have a team. I haven't followed NBA basketball very closely for over five years, so it'll be interesting to see how either of us do. It is Sol's first Fantasy League. He's been expressing interest in Fantasy Football, but it's too late to sign up for any leagues. I thought it would be cool for us to join a basketball league together because he likes basketball a lot (His uncles play a lot of basketball still). My goal while playing with Sol is to teach him the "in's and out's" of fantasy sports, but also to focus on playing for fun. Each week he'll either win a game or lose a game, and it will be a good opportunity for him to learn how to win and lose with class..... It's an extension of the "good sportsmanship" I tried focusing on when he played team baseball over the past summer.
Tuesday, November 16th, 2010
This morning was a good morning again.
Sol caught his bus on time and woke up without any hassels. Nara and Elan ate and got ready for school just as easily.
I dropped Nara off at her bus stop and then Elan at his preschool.
At school I spent about an hour and a half reading further into a topic that we were going to cover in small groups in my American Radicalism class. I found some good library books about the Columbia Student Rebellion of 1968 and used them as sources for my small group homework assignment.
American Radicalism was very interesting today. Sometimes I go to that class and feel bored (lecturing), but today my instructor was very intriguing.
After class I went to the YMCA to do a 45 minute bike work out and quarter mile swim.
I had lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon in the MCTC Library studying posi psych, English 2, and HRTB.
My daughter had a
Sol caught his bus on time and woke up without any hassels. Nara and Elan ate and got ready for school just as easily.
I dropped Nara off at her bus stop and then Elan at his preschool.
At school I spent about an hour and a half reading further into a topic that we were going to cover in small groups in my American Radicalism class. I found some good library books about the Columbia Student Rebellion of 1968 and used them as sources for my small group homework assignment.
American Radicalism was very interesting today. Sometimes I go to that class and feel bored (lecturing), but today my instructor was very intriguing.
After class I went to the YMCA to do a 45 minute bike work out and quarter mile swim.
I had lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon in the MCTC Library studying posi psych, English 2, and HRTB.
My daughter had a
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